Rocky Road Bites Tub
Delicious chunks of soft mallow, crispy biscuit and Belgian milk chocolate.
Delicious chunks of soft mallow, crispy biscuit and Belgian milk chocolate.
1. Is it true that the packaging machine used in the factory is made up of stripped parts from an old DeLoren?
Yes, this is true. Barry originally purchased the parts to build a time machine but failed miserably.
2. If I were to line up Broderick bars from Coolock to the Moon, how many bars would I need?
You’d need approximately 4.3 billion. Roughy the same amount Bernard has snacked on since we making delicious Broderick’s bars.
3. Is it true that you in pre-production for a movie called “The Bournville Ultim-ate-em” with Pat Damon?
Absolutely. It was a $250m Hollywood blockbuster that was derailed when the producer spent the entire budget on Broderick’s bars.
4. What do Romans do when they are not in Rome?
They roam around other places.
5. Is it true that you only have western style saloon doors throughout the Broderick’s kitchens because of Barry’s love for John Wayne?
Yes, but not funny when the guy behind you is carrying a tray full of Broderick’s..
6. Do you actually know Mr. Slugworth, was he really as mean as it was made out to be, or was it just the pro-western press using their influence.
Yes, it was all press. Its always the press.
7. Has the EU development fund contributed to the rocky roads?
All we can say is that chocolate was just resting in our account.
8. Does Barry actually work for Bernard and the whole partnership thing is just made up to make Barry feel good about himself?
Each brother thinks the other works for them.
10. Which is the highest scoring bar in scrabble?
Rocky Road if you spell out the ingredients. Its got marshmallows.
11. Is it true that you in pre-production for a movie called “Bar Wars IV- a new Sticky Wicky Coat”?
Yes, and George Lucas ain’t happy about that.
12. Did Bernard come last in a Mr. Paraguay contest while searching the world for new exciting ingredients to include?
Yes, he was robbed!
13. Is it better to be old man’s darling than a young man’s slave.
Whoever buys you the most Broderick’s bars.
14. Has anyone on your bakery tour ever got beamed into a TV or got sucked up a chocolate pipe like Augustus Gloop?
Yes, those crazy events in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory happen all the time in real chocolate factories like ours.
15. Has Belgium’s performance in the world cup influenced your decision to keep buying chocolate there?
Absolutely not. You have to give it to the Belgians, they make great chocolate…
16. Did Barry repeat 6th class 3 times?
That is totally and utterly untrue. He repeated 4 times.
17. Is it true that Luis Suarez once bit a Tiff Toff in the Tuffen?
Yes, his taste bud went insane after a Tiff Toff in the Tuffen hence why he bit the Italian defender.
18. Are Rocky Roads available under Obamacare?
Yes, the perfect cure for any ailment.
19. Is it true that Chilly Brr Slippy Slices are the only things keeping Ireland in the Eurozone?
Yes, the Germans wanted to kick us out until they sampled the tasty winter slice.
20. Is Rocky Road now in NAMA?
Virtually, every Rocky Road we produce helps pay off national debt.
21. Will there ever be a Broderick Brother who can swim faster than a shark?
Bernard can. He has some hidden talents that would surprise including balancing a chair on his chin.
22. How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood…?
23. Is there really a concept bar called Rocky Road 4G that can be eaten 10 times quicker than the current 2014 model, so that you don’t get caught mid face stuffing in the kitchen when you said you were just getting a glass of water.
Yes, but you have to eat it like a duck. Its designed to be swallowed whole.
24. If a rocky road was flattened out could it really stretch from Nassau Street to Stephens green?
The scientists will say technically yes. But why would you want to do that? As Michael Jackson said, “Just eat it”.
25. Did you ever consider relocating your factory to Mallow in Cork?
Yes, we have thought about building a factory close to all those marshmallow trees that grow there.
26. Is it true more tiffin’s are eating by Kerry people than any other nation, race or county in the world?
Yes, Broderick’s are very popular in the kingdom. Hence why they have so many All Ireland championships.
27. Given Broderick’s is the only Irish flapjack sold on an aeroplane, does that make it the fastest Irish bar ever made?
True according to our R&D department.
28. In the winter of 1982, is it true that it got so cold that Ina rolled out a 6ftx6ft short crust pastry to use as a super insulating duvet for the boys to stay warm?
Yes, that is when it all started for the Broderick’s Brothers. They got a taste for their mammy’s baking and never looked back.
29. Is the glass in your factory really glass or is it glazed sugar?
Its glazed sugar. Tuck in if your hungry.
30. Are you and Barry campaigning for a 5-a-day government supported initiative to eat more chocolate?
True True. Chocolate makes everyone feel better. It will be the cornerstone of government policy for the next election.
31. Is it really impossible to eat a Broderick’s Nutty Crunchie Caramel Munchie while reciting the Irish constitution?
Yes, it impossible. However, it is possible to eat chocolate engraved with the Irish constitution.
32. If you and Barry were TV detectives would you be more Cagney and Lacey or Kojack or Magnum PI or Jessica Fletcher, I’d bet Barry would be Jessica Fletcher.
More like Chief Wiggum and Lou.
33. Is it true Bernard proposed to and was turned down by Catherine, duchess of Cambridge, before she met William?
He turned her down.
34. Do your cars / vans run on sugar or diesel?
Neither, if you look below the cab you’ll see two feet powering our trucks and vans…
35. Do you constantly have sticky fingers?
You bet. Its got us into many sticky situations.
36. Is it true that in 1979 when pope JPII was in Dublin, Ina had the boys baptised in chocolate?
First, let’s all agree that Pope JPII was the best of the Pope JPs. Secondly, yes, it was a tasty secret bapitism.
37. Given all the Broderick boys are over 6ft in height, do you think that chocolate has been the key ingredient; if it is I was wondering have any other lengthening properties been achieved in different areas ….fingers for instance.
Yes, all tall boys but tiny feet. One of the unknown side affects of chocolate.
38. Which county provides the most trust worthy people to look after the cakes after they are ready to eat?
None. Our factory has Irish bakers, Polish security to watch the Irish bakers, and German undercover agents to watch Polish security. They Broderick’s bars still go missing…
39. How many tiffs will tiff toff in the tiffen if toff tiffs in the toffen?
40. Will your products give me superpowers and if so will these powers include enhanced baking abilities?
Yes, they give unusual superpowers. For example, the ability to mimic perfectly, the ability to talk to animals, and yes, the ability to bake delicious cakes.
41. Can the goo in Gooey Ooozy Chocolatey Solid Brick be described by classical Newtonian physics or quantum theory?
According to the Broderick’s R&D lab, the goo can be best described by Newton’s theory of disappearing chocolate.
42. When can I have a robot butler?
43. Is it true that the idea for the ‘Rolly Polly Crunchy Oats in a Sticky Wicky Coat’ originated from data collected from the large Hadron collider?
True. They repurposed the Hadron collider to smash a rolly and a polly together and the results speak for themselves…
44. Which is Brian O’Driscolls favourite Brodericks bar and can I have a box of them? And the wrappers when he’s done with them. And his address. Can you introduce me to BOD?
We’d love to do a Brian O’Driscoll bar but he stopped answering Bernard’s calls.
45. Will your bars make me a better husband?
Oh yes. Thats a no-brainer. Shower her with Broderick’s bars and she will love you for it. Remember, happy wife, happy life.
46. How many Brodericks bars will give me a six pack? What if I ate 4 more than that amount? Oh yeah…ten pack.
47. What number am I thinking of?
Thirty six. The same number of items in the Broderick’s range.
48. Why is the distant universe so homogeneous when the Big Bang theory seems to predict larger measurable anisotropies of the night sky than those observed? And how does this affect your manufacturing process?
No clue. All we know is Barry comes up with fantastic new ideas when there’s a lunar or solar eclipse.
49. Is it true that Ann Chang Ho, the legendary founder of Korea, is your distant cousin?
50. Does the prevalence of high frequency trading mean that I’m getting less chocolate than I paid for?
When you buy a Broderick’s bar, you always get more chocolate than you paid for.
51. Will the end of Game of Thrones be the start of the Broderick’s business?
Yes, keep an eye on Tyrion Lannister. His character becomes Bernard…
52. Did Einstein invent Caramental?
He did. He spent 40 years researching before publishing his work.
53. Was ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ a movie franchise or a series of documentaries? If the latter was indeed the case can I sleep in your gaff tonight?
Absolutely, bring your duvet.
54. What would happen if a Smurf had a baby with an avatar?
Our guess is you’d get those funny blue men from Eiffel 65 “I’m blue”.
55. Did the marshmallow from the rocky road come from the end of that Ghostbusters movie?
You bet, Road Rocking Choc Block bars have been known to cause paranormal activity.
56. How many Broderick’s bars do I have to buy before I can get my robot butler?
57. Isn’t Frozen the best movie ever?
OMG best ever…
58. What temperature should I wash Broderick’s wrappers so they won’t shrink?
Forty degrees with a slow spin
59. What does “Broderick’s Handmade” mean? Did you make the hands? Can you make other appendages?
Handmade means we bake all our Broderick’s bars by hand..
60. How many LIN-TIST2+ICOS+IL-13+ innate lymphoid cells are in an average Brodericks bar? Ball-park like, to the nearest 10^3 cells.
According to the research scientists in the Broderick’s R&D department, its 5.6e19
61. What bar would you recommend for those of us with moustaches?
Top lip tiffin. Designed specifically for moustache wearers.
62. If I eat your bars does that make me a hipster?
Yes, it will help you be whatever you want to be.
63. What’ll you do me for cash?
Depends on how many you want?
64. Do you think the genius idea of ‘NUTTY CRUNCHY CARAMEL MUNCHIE’ happened during an episode of quantum leap where Sam Beckett took over Barrys body, suggested the idea and wiggy said it had a 3.2% chance of working but Sam (Barry) ignored him and it ended up working so Sam (Barry) could go on to the next leap?
Yes, that is the most likely source of the ‘NUTTY CRUNCHY CARAMEL MUNCHIE’ idea..
65. Who are the superstars of Choc n roll? Do they include Choc Berry? Bill Haley and the Currants? Cream? Axel Rocky Roads?
Yes, all the greats including Elvis Almond Presley, Cherry Lee Lewis, and Buddy Holly and the coconuts.
66. Who invented the internet? Barry or Bernard? I bet it was Barry. He seems nice…
It was Barry of course back in 1983. The moment he wired his Commodore 64 to the telephone.
67. Where did I leave my keys?
On the ledge.
68. Is it true that you in pre-production for a Guy Rich-tea movie called “Choc block and two sticky bar-rels”?
Yes, we have a few movies in the works. We’re delighted to be working with Maradona’s ex husband on this one.
69. Do you think there is a chocolate bubble in Ireland? If it bursts will we all be covered in chocolate? I kind of hope it bursts…
Its looking like that but would it be a bad thing?
70. Why will the google machine not tell me how to make Rolly Polly Crunchy Oats in a Sticky Wicky Coat?
Only 2 people in the world know the secret ingredients that go into Rolly Polly Crunchy Oats in a Sticky Wicky Coat. They are of course the two Broderick’s brothers. They never travel together just in case there’s an accident and the secret is lost for ever…
71. If I eat a mouthful of “Road Rocking Choc Choc Bloc” AT THE SAME TIME as “Gooey Ooozy Chocolatey Solid Brick” will it send me back in time? Because I really want to try it but I’m scared of the time travel thing, because you know, dinosaurs.
Only one way to find out.
72. Are the NSA watching me eat your products?
Big time. The astronauts on the space station are licking their lips right now as they watch you munch on your Broderick’s bar.
73. Who would win in a fight between Barry and Bernard? Or Ina and Barry+Bernard? Or Ina V Barty+Bernard V Hulk Hogan (in a fight scheduled for one fall, or one submission, or one disqualification).
The Hulkster of course. The Broderick’s brothers are phenomenal bakers, terrible wrestlers.
74. Is the energy (E) in a Broderick’s bar equal to the mess (M) I make eating it, time the caramel (C) squared?
You bet. Its science…
75. Is Bilbo Baggins not really bothered with Jewelry and is actually looking for a decent caramel slice?
Yes, he tricked the producers into believing it was a quest to find a gold ring when it was actually a quest to find the best tasting caramel slice in the world.
76. If they made a movie about Brodericks Who would Gene Wilder play Bernie or Barry? I think it should be Barry, Brad Pitt is the obvious choice for Bernie.
Close. Brad Pitt has asked to play Bernard, Bjorn Borg would play Barry.
77. I’ve done some tests and the law of diminishing marginal utility does not seem to apply to “ROAD ROCKING CHOC CHOC BLOCK”. Who do I complain to? Can you direct me to your in-house economist?
George is our resident Economist however, you’ll find many of the Broderick’s don’t obey the laws of physics, economics or gravity.
78. Do I have to tie my shoes every day for the rest of my life? Really? Like EVERY day? Sigh…
Not true. You should buy some Italian slip-ons like Bernard..
79. Is it weird to only eat your products naked? What? Too sexy?
That’s not weird at all. Broderick’s bars can make you do crazy things…
80. Will your new product be an iCaramental with touch screen?
81. If pie is in the sky then where is cake?
Bottom of hungry bellies.
82. What is the square root of tiffin?
Unknown. There’s a Nobel prize for the genius that can solve that one.
83. Is it merely coincidence that Bernard’s weight loss coincided with the installation of CCTV in the bakery?
Yes indeed. He is not allowed to taste test anything anymore without the Mammy’s approval.
84. If a train leaves Dublin at 11 o’clock traveling at 60mph and another leaves Cork at 11:25 at 52mph how many Rocky Roads has Barry eaten by lunch?
85. If I can’t have my cake AND eat it then what’s the point?
86. Blur or oasis?
Blur, no wait. OASIS its Oasis…!
87. Does Simon Cowell have the final say on your product range? Is there a competition called “Brodericks got chocolate”? Or “The B factor”?
Absolutely Not. The Hoff has the final say.
88. Was the Cuban missile crisis an argument over caramel?
Yes, Fidel and JFK couldn’t agree which tasted better; sweet or salted caramel.
89. Is it true that the c in vitamin c stands for chocolate?
You bet. All Broderick’s bars are rich in vitamin chocolate.
90. Is it true that you in pre-production for a movie called “Bar Wars V- the empire snacks back”?
Yes, its staring Walnut Ford, Caramel Fisher and Mango Hamill.
91. Is it true that your products are legal currency in Guatemala?
True. Broderick’s is legal tender in numerous countries around the world.
92. Can you start a reality TV show called “Big Brodericks”? Can I be in it?
Good idea. It will be set in the tasting room in the Broderick’s factory. We suspect the queues for the auditions will stretch from Walkinstown to Timbuktu.
93. Is it weird if I hold one of your “mini-bite selection” and pretend I’m a giant?
Not all all.
94. How much will it cost to get a bar named after me, taking into account that money is an issue and I would make a poor cartoon character?
Depends on what is in the bar and how good it tastes…
95. Does Ina live in a Broderick’s bungalow? Is it in the forest?
Indeed, she does up in a secret forest the Dublin mountains.
96. Have you seen my friend Hansel?
Yes, he works in the Broderick’s mixing room.
97. Is it true that mo chocolate mo problems?
Untrue if you are a regular Broderick’s connoisseur. Most Broderick’s aficionados got 99 problems but chocolate ain’t one.
98. Is it true that Barry was in the band “Hot Chocolate”?
True. Listen to the words – “How did you know I needed you so badly? How did you know I’d give my heart gladly?”. Its all about being a Broderick’s devotee.
97. How many bytes are in a Broderick’s bar?
Depends on how hungry you are… If you can stretch a Broderick’s bar to KiloBytes, we want to meet you…
98. Is it true that you in pre-production for a movie called “Snacks on plane” with Samuel L. Jackson?
Yes it is true. Its another $250m Hollywood blockbuster where Samuel L. Jackson slowly eats Broderick’s bars over a 2 hour flight.
99. Which is your favorite Kardashian? Kim, Kourtney, or Khloe?
None. Too annoying.
100. Is your secret formula C1HOC1 Bl2-OCK+?
Its way more complex than that.
101. What would happen if a gremlin ate “Rolly Polly Crunchy Oats in a Sticky Wicky Coat” after midnight? Back into Gizmo?
Only one way to find out…
102. Ball Park – how many Broderick’s bars would I have to eat to look like Channing Tatum?
Just eat one very slowly and you’ll be irresistible to both guys and girls.
103. Is “Gooey Ooozy Chocolatey Solid Brick” not a contradiction?
Definitely not. Barry has been through 137 iterations to perfect his brownie creation.
104. I bought “Caramental Minis” and they turned out not to be the car I was expecting. Who do I return the empty wrappers to?
To the car dealer that sold you the Caramental minis.
105. I bought a mini and it turned out to be a car, not a tasty treat. Who do I complain to?
Again, to the car dealer that mis-sold you. Shame on them.
106. Which of your bars goes best with 9 Dutch gold and a battered sausage?
What an unusual combination. Any Broderick’s bar is the perfect dessert for any meal, regardless how classy that meal is.
107. If Macgyver was given a pen knife, a piece of string and a shopping trolley, could he make a nutty crunchie caramel munchies
If Macgyver was given access to the Broderick’s storeroom, he still couldn’t figure to how to make a Nutty Crunchie Caramel Munchie.
Grab a cup of herbal tea, put on your favourite Enya album, and slowly unwrap a delicious Broderick’s bar as you sooth yourself into a deep relaxing sleep with our brain-numbingly boring Terms and conditions page:
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Sales enquiries Ireland/international: +353 1 460 4011
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Unit 3 South City Business Park
Feel free to send us any adoring fan mail. Or that pencil drawing of Bernard riding a stallion into battle that took you 2 months to shade. Or maybe you want to make your way to us on a cake pilgrimage to see the sacred factory where your favorite cakes are born.
However you want to contact us, we’d love to hear from you.